Death is a BITCH

Can someone explain to me why the fuck people die? Cuz honestly, it doesn't make sense to me. It's bullshit. Why is that people die when you need them the most? I'm fucking lost without you, Matt. How could you leave me? I thought we would grow old  together... I thought you would be the one I would wake up to for the rest of my life. But now, i'm not sure of anything anymore. Life is just an event that happens to you. You can't control it. All you can control is how you react to it. I think i'm failing at it, but I don't care. I don't know how else to deal with your loss other than completely shutting down. You kept me going for so long, and I couldn't keep you going. If only I had been there. I was supposed to be there. You wouldn't have died if I was. I'm so sorry for letting you down. Whenever people were in need, you were ALWAYS the person they turned to. But when you were in need, I wasn't there. I'll never forgive myself for not fighting harder to be with you that night. I love you more than anything. I would give everything I have to be with you one more time :(